Why Your Team Sucks

The following is either hilarious or utterly depressing.

Deadspin – Why Your Team Sucks

Right – depressing.

But this long-awaited review is not without its EPIC moments:

Everything Goodell has said here, from beginning to end, is a breathtaking lie. It’s amazing, really. To think that you can buy a billion-dollar football team with money that you probably don’t have, and then have the commissioner of the NFL prop you up because the league can’t ever admit in public that it’s dealing in some seriously shady shit. Isn’t that remarkable? If you know the right people, you don’t even have to be rich to be rich in this country. You can just go billions of dollars into debt and then have everyone keep you afloat because they don’t want to go down with you. What a complete and utter fucking disgrace. I hope Jimmy Haslam gets sent to Elkton, and I hope Roger Goodell is assigned to do cafeteria duty with him.

Holy shit.

And for some more subtle flame-throwing:


This is all you need to know about what it’s like to be a Browns fan: We bring up “Red Right 88,” which refers to a play that went bad IN A DIVISIONAL PLAYOFF GAME 32 YEARS AGO.

Is there another fan base — in any sport on any planet in any universe — that’s capable of mourning a second-round playoff loss that occurred before Ronald Reagan was sworn in as president? But, then, this is the same city that refers to a first-round NBA playoff win over the Washington Bullets in 1976 as “the Miracle of Richfield” EVEN THOUGH THE CAVALIERS WERE THE HIGHER SEED.

For some reason, a prominent memory is 1995 – Browns vs. Packers at the old Stadium. This was a few weeks after “the move” was basically a reality. All of the Stadium sponsors had been taken down, fans were starting to rip seats apart and for the entire game, something that was probably urine dripped on us from the upper deck. After reading these testimonials – even knowing and appreciating the spirit of Deadspin’s series – it feels like being a lifelong Browns’ fan equates to getting pissed on.

More tomorrow with some more uplifting something or other.

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Comments (14)

  1. It’s getting old, most certainly. But, what can you do? Pray for The Worm To Turn.

  2. Also, I’ve heard it all before. Short Term Memory Loss and Eyes Don’t Lie. Honestly, I expect a whole lot of nothing, but I’ll keep coming back. The way I see it, they’ll fix it or there will be no team. I’ve already lived through it once, and kind of miss the daze of not giving a rats ass.

  3. Max

    {expletive deleted] the NFL. We have them to thank for the steaming pile we have had to endure since 1999. And the NFL knows that we will always fill the stadium, or else they may steal our team again. So, what do we end up with? An owner whose company is being administered a colonoscopy by the IRS.

    • One glaring error on that Deadspin list. Dwight Clark should be ranked MUCH higher on the Worst Browns Ever.

      But right – “False Start” and all that. We were screwed to begin with.

      And Dwight Clark.

      • Max

        Brought to you by Carmen Policy’s ego.

        • Right. Somehow the “49ers Way” had been ingrained in Clark – because he made The Catch.

          I don’t want to use the word hate – so instead I’ll say I have an extreme dislike of Dwight Clark. By 2004, exactly two of his 23 Browns’ draft picks were still in the NFL….not in Cleveland, but in the NFL.

  4. spencer096

    that comment by joe was phenomenal. laughing my ass off.

    • That’s like celebrating the 2007 season.

      • spencer096

        dude, i still celebrate jerome harrison and mangini’s 5-game winning streak…sigh

        • Harrison was an amazing story. Came from nowhere (kind of), set a Browns record, then disappeared. Last I heard, he had a life-threatening medical problem and is now retired.

          His 286 yard game against KC is still the best performance of the expansion era – and probably will be for some time.

          Ghosts of Running Back Past – Madre Hill, Jackson, Suggs, Green, Harrison, Hillis. The list goes on.

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